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Insecurity is defined in the APA Dictionary of Psychology, as “a feeling of inadequacy, lack of self-confidence, and inability to cope, accompanied by general uncertainty and anxiety about one’s goals, abilities, or relationships with others.”

Studies show that insecurity is an inheritable trait passed down over generations and expressed through temperament and personality. But generally, a person’s life experiences can affect his or her level of insecurity. A person can experience insecurity in any aspect of his or her life. It could be in one’s physical appearance, relationships, financial stability, or professional skills.

Insecurities are unique to each person, but they all fall in one of the following categories:

1. Personal insecurities: are those insecurities that describe the negative ways you view yourself.
2. Professional insecurities: are those insecurities that reflect your fears about an inability to perform at work.
3. Relationship insecurities: people with relationship insecurities fear abandonment as they may not believe themselves worthy of love. They are constantly seeking affirmation.

What causes insecurity?

Low self-esteem is what drives insecurity. But how does our self-esteem plummet in the first place?  According to Elizabeth Perry of BetterUp.com, being subject to any of the following situations can cause long-term self-esteem damage: 

• Harsh criticism from a parent or teacher 
• Receiving low grades at school or not getting your needs met in the classroom as a child
• Relationships with manipulative or hurtful friends and partners
• Not meeting goals you set and feeling like you failed  
• Medical circumstances that prevent you from living the way you please 
• Comparing your economic status and lifestyle with others’ 
• Setbacks, like not getting a job you wanted or going through a breakup

Insecurity can become a vicious circle if you let it. Here are ways to overcome one’s insecurities:

1. Let go of negative feelings. 

Don’t let a negative experience damage your self-esteem. Remember that problems and difficulties can happen to everyone. Make sure to let go of the negative feelings you may have over those not-so-good experiences.

2. Set realistic goals.

Aiming high is good but make sure your goals are realistic enough. Making outlandish goals will also make you feel frustrated and you ran the risk of damaging your self-esteem when you don’t reach them. Set achievable goals so that when you achieve them, you would feel empowered and confident.

3. Face setbacks with confidence.

Setbacks happen to all of us, so don’t let it destroy your self-confidence and make you feel insecure. Setbacks are a part of life and are necessary for personal growth.   

4. Accept yourself.

Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses. No one is perfect. Wanting to be perfect will distort your self-perception. Accept your weaknesses and be kind to yourself. Do not let yourself think negatively about yourself.   

5. Question your negative thoughts

Often, our negative thoughts don’t align with reality as our mind has the tendency to blow things out of proportion. So always challenge your negative thoughts when you have them. You can put your negative thoughts in perspective by talking it out to a friend or counsellor.  

6. Seek encouraging people.

When you struggle with your insecurities, a good thing to do it is to seek out family members or friends to remind you of how wonderful you are.

7. Remove yourself from people and situations that make you feel insecure

When a person, place, or a situation brings you down or triggers your insecurities, take a step back and protect your mental health. Setting boundaries can protect you from feeling insecure.

8. Don’t compare yourself to others.

A negative self-image can come from our comparing ourselves to others. When you see other people’s success and compare your life to theirs, you would obviously not feel good and see yourself as falling behind, or even a failure. But remember that we all own unique path to success.

We all have bouts of low self-esteem, and feeling insecure can happen even to the best of us. When you understand this, then you can move past your insecurities.